Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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