Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
