is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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