He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
