i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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