i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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