this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
