I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
