don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
