i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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