i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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