Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
