Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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