I have demons in me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
