my phone needs a breathalizer
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
