What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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