How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
