i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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