hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
