Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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