You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
