We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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