he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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