i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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