I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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