discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
