How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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