My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
