what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
