I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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