she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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