Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
