Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
