Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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