Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
