Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize