Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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