yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
