uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
