i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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