VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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