He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
