i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
