there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
As shirtless as possible
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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