I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
