Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
