I hate all girls vehemently.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
