Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
