My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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