Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize