The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
