the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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