I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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