On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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