I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
