I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
