every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
