I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
