he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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