just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize