I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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