I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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