the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
