It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
