I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
its not stalking. its research.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
