My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize