Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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