It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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