We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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