You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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