remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this will be a night to untag.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize