How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
