So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
