how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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