I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
